you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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