Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
