Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
