I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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