I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My feet surprised me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
