Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
