I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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