The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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