I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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