Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
