Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
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Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My vagina just clenched in fear
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