Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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