SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
