THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
