I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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