Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
