my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
