Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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