mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
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Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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