So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
