We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
