Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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