Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
