dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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