Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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