so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
