Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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