sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize