I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Alive.
So much puke
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
