I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
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i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
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He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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