Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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