my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ketchup is God's man juice
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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