why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
