I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
