the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
