remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
