He uses pillows to masturbate.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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