The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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