We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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