i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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