I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
