i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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