there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
