AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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