Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize