The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True strength comes from lack of pants
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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