I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's rum buckets o'clock
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
