a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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