the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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