i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
