Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
