i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
