I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
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I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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