I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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