I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
