I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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