I'd wear matching sweaters with you
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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