I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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