I got chris browned last night
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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