she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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