do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
