She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
