my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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