So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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