Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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