anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
