i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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