That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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