dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
