Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
