Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
