Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
