i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
