She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
