then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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