Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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