talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
