god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
