That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
