Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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