do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
