I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
