I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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