Whoa Z and x make the same sound
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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