I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
