R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
