you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
